A while back I promised to try my hand at making the delightful foodstuffs known as crumpets, whereupon I then embarked on finding the knowledge necessary in performing such an operation and immediately became crippled by fatigue at the very thought.
Apparently, some people think they are difficult to make. In fact, according to one source at the turn of the century (the last century, not the one we are currently residing in) “No one makes crumpets at home anymore. They are simply too much work.”
Too much work? In an era when people still wrung their laundry through presses and darned their stockings? This did not bode well, to my mind.
Nevertheless, I had promised! And I always keep my promises.
Well, I try anyway. It’s probably more like 90%. Maybe 85% on a really bad day.
So I soldiered on, examining recipes to see just what was so all-fired difficult about it. In the end, I decided that it didn’t sound THAT hard…I mean, it involves yeast, which many people have an irrational fear of, but Hey! We Are All Adults Here And We Can Do This.
I also found this bit of trivia: “Crumpets were first recorded in the late 17th century. Their original name was crompid cake, meaning a griddle baked cake which was thin and thus curled up at the edges during the cooking process. It is likely that the first crumpets were made with buckwheat flour.”
Whatever. Let’s get on with it.
Firstly, you assemble the necessary ingredients:
They don’t look very imposing, do they? That’s because they aren’t! At all! They’re nice, peaceful ingredients. They’re here to help. They are our friends.
Look at me, lining them all up like that! Who do I think I am, the Pioneer Woman?
The Pioneer Woman gets like 25,000 hits on her site per day. I am definitely not her.
Anyway, you can see that some of my ingredients are organic in nature. I am not trying to be uppity. We just recently decided to go a little more au naturale around here, and so that’s what I have. Don’t worry, you can use the poisonous regular versions, too. I’m sure you’ll live happy and full lives, even so.
You can also see a coffee maker in the background. You don’t need that for this recipe. I have limited counter space for fancy lining-up-of-the-ingredients shots.
I also had a helper:
He thinks he’s cute. I don’t know where he got such an idea.
Moving on, let me say a few things about yeast. Do not fear it. It’s really a swell little organism. Forget all the scary stuff you’ve read about killing it with water too hot or not awakening it with water too cold. Just turn the tap on and stick your finger in it until your brain says “Hot!” and use that.
Dissolve the packet of yeasty buggars in 1/4 c hot water and a Tablespoon of sugar.
Let it rest there for about five minutes while the yeast wakes up and discovers that it has gone to sugary heaven. Go to the bathroom, perhaps. Wash your hands. Then melt some butter in your microwave and add a Tablespoon to the mix. Microwave 1/3 cup of milk for about 30 seconds and add that, along with the egg. My egg was brown, but you can use white. They all look the same on the inside.
Whup ‘em up real good and then add 1 cup of flour and 1/2 teaspoon of salt and beat it until it’s nice and smooth.
It’ll be pretty runny. Slap a towel over the top of it and set it somewhere warm to rise for about 45 minutes. “Somewhere warm” could be the top of the refrigerator or the closet of a small stuffy room. I prefer to preheat my oven a bit and just set the bowl on top of it. After 45 minutes the mixture should have gotten nice and puffy and be full of bubbles.
Now you need a skillet and some crumpet rings. However, if you don’t happen to have any crumpet rings lying about and you are Klassy with a capital K, you can use what I used:
Why yes, that *is* a buttload of bananas in the background. You wanna make something of it?
Heat a skillet over low heat and butter it up, along with the crumpet rings (or “crumpet rings,” as the case may be). Pour about 3 Tablespoons of the batter into each ring and let them cook for about 5 minutes until you see little bubbles appearing on the top.
Remove the rings, flip the crumpets over, and cook them for about a minute more. Remove them from the skillet and repeat until you’re done (this recipe makes about 8). Then do a happy little jig and shriek VOILA! to the world because “voila” is French for “Holy merde! I just made crumpets!”
Now get yourself some lemon curd and slather those babies. You know you want to.
The whole recipe can be found here, if you’re interested. I am gratified to report that this little diversion was not, in fact, prohibitively difficult. But then, I’ve also been re-living labor and delivery all week long, and compared to that, just about anything is a walk in the park.
Posted in randomness
